Regrets

It’s that time of the year, when people (not TV channels) look back at the year gone by and, well, have regrets. At the bad choices made. About the road not taken. On missed opportunities.

Countries like the US, however, never have regrets about actions taken. Or so my friend said (note we’re talking about US, the country, not individuals). Sure, they do look back but only to learn what to do differently the next time. Or for political mudslinging. But neither of that is what we call “regret”. Thus, post-World War II, they didn’t impose a harsh Versailles style peace treaty on the losers. They might have changed their usage of nukes policy but they don’t have any regrets about Hiroshima or Nagasaki. That’s a done deal.

Contrast that with how Germany continues to behave about its Nazi past.

Sometimes (note I say sometimes, not always) not having regrets can be a good thing for individuals too. After all, most things cannot be undone, so what good comes from beating yourself up endlessly? While that may indeed be the rational approach to take, the Awl may well be right in pointing out the problem we face in trying to adopt that policy:

“As we hurtle ever onward, we are constantly and emphatically told to never look back, or at the very least, to have no regrets. (YOLO, hakuna matata.) But this is wrong: Humans are perpetual regret machines.”

So is there no way out then? Are we doomed to wallow in our regrets? Or is Bijan Stephen’s solution, though not perfect or ideal by any means, the only one available to us “perpetual regret machines”?

“I did not start eating better, or exercising regularly. I have reason to believe my alcohol and cigarette intake may have increased. I am still stressed. I am still anxious. I am still hungover. There is no doubt in my mind, however, that I am healthier than ever because I have avoided doing more dumb shit than ever before; I am correspondingly less psychically burdened. I am aware that this may in fact be an elaborate rationalization.”

I don’t like that things are this way, but it often feels that since most of us can’t control our minds the Buddha way, the next best (and far more easy) option to keep some semblance of happiness is to lie to oneself…