Ready for Parenthood, Part 2
Suzanne Evans wrote this book on
parenting titled (hold your breath), Machiavelli
for Moms: Maxims on the Effective Governance of Children. But isn’t the man
synonymous with “duplicity, deceit and the cunning, ruthless use of power”? How
did she discover anything in Machiavelli relevant to parenting? The reason: desperation.
Nothing she tried seemed to work.
While reading The Prince in that state of frustration, she
realized that:
“He saw power as a tool for securing the
safety and stability of the state. He wanted to show princes how to ensure the
happiness and well-being of their subjects.
A stable and safe home? Full of happy and
prosperous subjects? It sounded like a worthy goal, not just for a prince but
for a parent too.”
So what were the lessons she learnt?
“Nothing wastes so rapidly as liberality,
for even whilst you exercise it you lose the power to do so, and so become
either poor or despised or, in avoiding poverty, rapacious and hated.” As applied to
kids, the more she gave to them, the more they expected and the less grateful
they became. So she started giving a flat amount to her kids at the mall and
let them decide how to spend it.
“A Captain ought…[to]
endeavor with every art to divide the forces of the enemy” Divide and conquer, in other words. As
Evans said, “Our kids are masters at pitting my husband and me against each
other to get what they want.” The solution? Turn the table on them: make them
compete with each other!
It's ok to be a
little deceitful...sometimes. More importantly, Evans says, “Don't feel guilty
for lying to your kids if it makes you happy and relaxed…because having a
happy, relaxed mom always benefits a child.”
Then there’s
discipline. Don’t feel guilty about it because as Machiavelli said: “A
prince…those who, through too much mercy, allow disorders to arise.”
Of course, any
technique stops working eventually. That is when Evans (and any parent) has to
figure out their own answer to the ultimate Machiavellian question:
“Is
it better to be feared than loved?”
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