Ready for Parenthood, Part 2

Suzanne Evans wrote this book on parenting titled (hold your breath), Machiavelli for Moms: Maxims on the Effective Governance of Children. But isn’t the man synonymous with “duplicity, deceit and the cunning, ruthless use of power”? How did she discover anything in Machiavelli relevant to parenting? The reason: desperation. Nothing she tried seemed to work.

While reading The Prince in that state of frustration, she realized that:
“He saw power as a tool for securing the safety and stability of the state. He wanted to show princes how to ensure the happiness and well-being of their subjects.

A stable and safe home? Full of happy and prosperous subjects? It sounded like a worthy goal, not just for a prince but for a parent too.”

So what were the lessons she learnt?

“Nothing wastes so rapidly as liberality, for even whilst you exercise it you lose the power to do so, and so become either poor or despised or, in avoiding poverty, rapacious and hated.” As applied to kids, the more she gave to them, the more they expected and the less grateful they became. So she started giving a flat amount to her kids at the mall and let them decide how to spend it.

“A Captain ought…[to] endeavor with every art to divide the forces of the enemy” Divide and conquer, in other words. As Evans said, “Our kids are masters at pitting my husband and me against each other to get what they want.” The solution? Turn the table on them: make them compete with each other!

It's ok to be a little deceitful...sometimes. More importantly, Evans says, “Don't feel guilty for lying to your kids if it makes you happy and relaxed…because having a happy, relaxed mom always benefits a child.”

Then there’s discipline. Don’t feel guilty about it because as Machiavelli said: “A prince…those who, through too much mercy, allow disorders to arise.”

Of course, any technique stops working eventually. That is when Evans (and any parent) has to figure out their own answer to the ultimate Machiavellian question:
“Is it better to be feared than loved?”

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