Jon Stewart's Commencement Address

Jon Stewart gave the commencement address at his alma mater the year they gave him an honourary doctorate, 2012. Given his occupation (he’s a comedian), you know what kind of address he’d have made. He started with something most people feel about, well, everything:
“I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are.”
He then reassured parents about the language he’d use by saying:
“I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar.”

He thanked the university for the honourary doctorate:
“It has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It’s incredibly gratifying. Thank you.”
And in the next breath, remarked on the falling standards of the university!
“When I think back to the people that have been in this position (being awarded an honourary doctorate) before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better.”

He then proceeded to the serious business of giving advice to the graduates about the “real world”:
“When you’re in college it’s very clear what you have to do to succeed...the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain.”
And went on to add:
“College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.”

How does one take the right steps to get to where one wants to be?
“See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success...So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.”

And if there are no certainties, Stewart advised the students to:
“Love what you do. Get good at it...And let the chips fall where they may.”
Because, after all:
“Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president.”

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