"Useless" yet Empowered Kids

As I was re-reading Jennifer Senior’s terrific book on parenting, All Joy and No Fun, I found the part on “the rise of the useless child” amusing and educative:

“As far as children are concerned, (for today’s middle-class parents), there is no such thing as excess. If improving their children’s lives means running themselves ragged – and thinking themselves ragged – then so be it.”

But it wasn’t always like this, writes Senior, as she takes a trip through history:

“In the early nineteenth century, the Industrial Revolution created a massive demand for child labour… Child labour on farms became especially valuable.”

It was only much, much later that the transformation happened:

“Childhood as we think of it today – long and sheltered, devoted almost entirely to education and emotional growth – became standard… Academics and sports. Modern childhood had begun.”

And so she summarizes tongue-in-cheek:

“Children had become “economically worthless but emotionally priceless”.”

That in turn led to kids having “more power in the family hierarchy”:

“The moment children stopped working for adult, everyone became confused about who was in charge.”

And this is far more pronounced in the middle-class, as Lareau wrote:

“Middle class children argue with their parents, complain about their parents’ incompetence, and disparage parents’ decisions.”

Senior agrees:

“Lower-income parents… give orders and directives. Middle-class parents give choices and negotiate.”

And she rightly says:

“Middle-class children… are told that they are fully empowered.”

So is this style of middle-class parenting a good thing?

“In the long run, this attitude may or may not serve them, because they then enter the world with the sense that no power structure is too formidable to defy or outmaneuver.”

Even if we don’t know if this is good for kids:

“One thing is immediately clear: this attitude is not very good for parents.”

Because, as Lareau wrote:

“The very same skills parents encourage in their children can and do lead children to challenger, and even reject, parental authority.”

And yes, despite those risks and “side-effects”, that’s how the middle-class raises its children.