Promises to Make


I have never liked the idea of making promises. Being a firm believer in free will (and hence an unpredictable future), my rational side is always saying, “A promise is about future actions; how can anyone know for sure what they might or might not do in the future?”

And yet so many people make promises. And so many recipients feel good hearing those promises made.  Why, I wondered?

As with so many other things, I learnt the answer from Hollywood! In the movie, The Amazing Spider Man, Spidey walks into the classroom late (as usual). When his teacher comments on that, he promises her that it’s the last time he will be late. Upon which she says, “Don't make promises that you can't keep.” To which our hero replies, “But those are the best ones.”

And that was the answer to my question: a promise is all about what the listener wants to hear. Before you get all moralistic about it, it’s (usually) a white lie. It’s made to make the receiver feel good. Now there’s something they don’t teach you at school!

I have added these lines to my other Spidey favourite, “With great power comes great responsibility”. Whoever said superheroes are for kids (alone)? Sometimes, they can be very profound.

Comments

  1. KumarJuly 7, 2012 at 4:10 PM

    Oh, come on! Can't believe your talking about "fatalistic future and free will" when discussing promises! Surely you are making some opening remark solely to catch attention - they cannot mean much beyond that, can they?

    You say: "And that was the answer to my question: a promise is all about what the listener wants to hear."

    It is of course true that often people make empty promises. They promise some item will work - 100 per cent guaranteed, or, the technician will arrive at one's door in the afternoon etc., all of which never happens These "sell now, afterwards why worry?" attitude is well known in many developing countries. It is also true that there is social pressure to make promises, foolishly pushing a person to making the promise, fully knowing it cannot be kept; society may not encourage or allow plain truth sometimes. Too bad.

    Nevertheless, your satisfaction over the conclusion that promises are for silencing the listener is, while being partly true, is also partly cynical.

    When some decent person promises, he or she may not actually think about the future happening and the proof of it. When a promise is made to somebody, it is also target/goal for oneself. With this background, the promise can be a mechanism to put in the best effort to meet the target. It is about that effort and the sincerity behind it. This can be positive,if the attitude is right.

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