What’s in a (Last) Name?


Taking on the husband's last name: is it only a sexist practice? No matter what the feminist brigade may say, it’s not that simple (Nothing ever is). And no, it is not just an issue in India or other developing (aka non-western) countries either.

Part of the problem is the attention and questions that not changing the woman’s last name draws. Most of your (and ever her) relatives will ask why she didn’t change her name. Some of the more orthodox neighbours will ask too. Some of your friends may ask too. Things are a bit easier for south Indians on this front since many of us don’t have a last name (just an initial).

In spite of the questions that it raises, many urban couples do have the wife retaining her last name. But that's often because of the practical hassle of changing all the documents and certificates.

But if you dismiss it as an Indian male attitude, think again: even the Queen of England had the same problem with her hubby wanting her to take his last name! And the comment in one of the American sitcoms where the groom tells his wife-to-be, “Sure honey, you can retain your last name after marriage. And we'll be one of those urban couples who are stuck in a loveless marriage.” captures another aspect that most guys feel at some level or the other: the name change conveys “ownership”. Like it or not, the caveman instinct still rules in most men. It's in the DNA.

And before you curse me for saying that, remember what Richard Dawkins wrote in The Selfish Gene: “…because I know I am in danger of being misunderstood by those people, all too numerous, who cannot distinguish a statement of belief in what is the case from an advocacy of what ought to be the case”.

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